What Mold Wants

IF you’re looking to grow a fine crop of mold this season…

1. When there’s a leak, ignore it. Let it drip down through your walls and ceiling. Let the moisture seep into exposed cellulose products.

2. Don’t bleach trace mold or mildew growing on hard surfaces.

3. In fact, don’t just ignore the water dripping, don’t fix the spot that is leaking. Maybe it will just go away.

4. Don’t keep your roof and gutters in repair.

5. Don’t keep your plumbing repaired.

6. Don’t clean up after minor plumbing mishaps like that overflow when your three year old turned on the tub and let it run, or when your six year old let Malibu Barbie go deep sea scuba-diving in the toilet.

7. Ignore trapped indoor humidity, especially when it regularly causes mildew.

8. Ignore that moldy smell.

9. Never change the air filter. Who cares if air gets blocked by debris, and your ac must overwork to push air thru the collected dust?

10. If outdoor flooding intrudes inside, ignore the fouled soft goods, even though they’re a hotbed of lethal growths.

If you do all of these things, you’re going to grow a fine crop of mold. Not that you’ll be able to stick around and enjoy it….

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